For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
-2 Corinthians 5:10, NIV
Secular and–sadly–some “Christian” circles have a tendency to talk about divorce as devoid of blame.
It is this “evolved” mindset that no one needs to dirty themselves with actually assigning blame for things.
We just didn’t get along. The divorce is what was best “for the kids.” We grew apart. You know how it is.
I think this is wrong and unhealthy. Jesus will not give people passes for such a lame treatment. He will call all of us to answer for our actions one day.
Blame is important.
When we internalize the sins done against us, we will become sick spiritually and likely otherwise. The healthy thing to do is assign the blame externally where it belongs.
The cheater blew up our marriage with her adultery, and she refused to accept any responsibility for such destruction.
He destroyed our marriage with his hooker habit that he had no intention of giving up.
No amount of therapy was going to fix our marriage since she was not willing to acknowledge she was in an affair.
Some might call these statements judgmental. They assign blame for sure. Yet, they are statements of truth.
Healing begins with the truth.
When we assign blame properly, it will be a truthful statement. Speaking this truth is vital for faithful spouses to heal from the trauma they endured from their respective cheater.
Most excellent!
I am sure you are just as sick of people playing the ‘judgmental’ card as I am.
My response to the ones who use the ‘you are being judgmental’ line, I say: “No, God already made the judgement. I am just expressing my agreement with His decision.”
Most of us did, indeed, experience some version of push-back for ‘blaming’ the cheater for the wreckage we experienced. Love that you addressed that crap so succinctly. I will be plagiarizing your lines!
Thank you again for reason amidst the chaos