How could I have missed that?!

I do not know if you can relate to asking this question of yourself. However, I think the fractured relationship with oneself is a relationship almost always needing attention.

Part of the devastation of discovering a cheating spouse is discovering the deception was ongoing for a long period of time, usually.

Now, I want you to be merciful to your past self. We are supposed to give our spouse’s the benefit of the doubt. The problem with cheaters is that they abused this trust playing us. Do not own that.

What we DO own is our choice of partner.

When I was getting ready to date again, I purposely chose to use internet websites that required psychological assessments. It was one way for me to screen people and learn more about myself. Learning about yourself and learning to accept yourself is an important first step before a relationship with another. You have to forgive yourself for falling for the deceptions.

We have to have a solid inner relationship before connecting with another, or we run the risk of choosing someone who fits our co-dependent needs as opposed to a good, healthy mate.

A sign that we are ready to date, again, after divorce is that we like ourselves, again. We have learned how to be a good, kind friend to ourselves. Such is evidence of healing.

A good friend does not put up with abuse. A good friend does not condemn over information unknown at the time. A good friend is quick to forgive once we’ve admitted a failure. A good friend is quick to console and slow to anger. A good friend knows and values who you are.

Learn to be a good friend to yourself. That is the path to healing and learning to trust yourself again.

*A version of this post ran previously.