³ But the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb, which he had bought and nourished up: and it grew up together with him, and with his children; it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter. ⁴ And there came a traveller unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him; but took the poor man’s lamb, and dressed it for the man that was come to him.

-2 Samuel 12:3-4, KJV

Like losing a million dollars!

When talking about surviving the infidelity of a spouse, I think it is helpful for outsiders to understand the catastrophic-level of loss. We, faithful spouses, can heal from this loss but we are never going to be same. I quoted from the confrontation between Nathan and King David over David taking Bathsheba and murdering her husband. These verses–while more about abuse of power–apply to adultery situations as well.

Fidelity, safety, time with kids, financial security, and general peace of mind are a few things stolen by cheaters.

In my opinion, they are worth more than a million dollars. However, that large sum is chosen to emphasize the losses are HUGE!!!

They are life-altering losses like losing a million dollars.

You can possibly recover from such a loss. However, we understand that such a major loss could have life-long ramifications for the victim. The same thing goes for adultery victims.

A big difference, though, between losing money and the loses in an adultery situation is the emotional attachment piece.

Notice that Nathan highlights how the ewe is treated like a family member. Faithful spouses are similarly attached to their partner only to have that future and relationship violently taken from them by the cheater. It is evil. The metaphor Nathan uses is helpful in understanding how an adulterous spouse is taking more than simply the easily quantifiable thing(s). They are taking pieces of the faithful spouse’s heart. And like Nathan’s metaphor, the thief does not care how their actions are hurting their victims. The cost to the victim matters not. They are more than happy to pursue their own interests even at a horrific cost to their victims. That cost just doesn’t register for the cheater. For a cheater to change, grasping the damage done to the victim is the first part that needs to register. This is called empathizing with the victim. I am convinced some cheater are incapable of this, and as such, they are incapable of godly reconciliation.

How can you repent and repair a relationship if you are in denial that you took something precious? You can’t.

*A version of this post ran previously.