Cheater apologists are quick to point at the flaws in the marriage and blame the faithful spouse “for their part.”
This is foolishness parading as wisdom.
Sometimes metaphors help us understand how foolish some things actually are:
The marriage is a house.
This house has needed updates. For example, it needs new windows, a fresh coat of painting, and squeaky floor boards need addressing. No one disagrees attention is needed.
However, one of the owners decided to throw a Molotov cocktail into the home. A house no longer exists because the house burned down to the foundation.
Sure, you can talk about the windows, paint job, or squeaky floors. However, that is pointless.
Someone burned the “house” down!
That Molotov cocktail was adultery. It was explosively destructive to the marriage.
Talking about the marriage “problems” prior to the arson job is a complete waste of time as the marriage is no longer there due to the explosive infidelity. The issues have changed because one spouse cheated.
