“Let’s set aside the affair for a moment. We need to work on your marriage. You each have problems you need to own.”

-Pastor/Christian Counselor

If a version comes out of your pastors or counselor’s mouth, it is time to find a new pastor or counselor. They are dangerously clueless.

Fidelity is a bedrock for a godly marriage (see Hebrews 13:4). Without this bedrock, there is no marriage to work on. You are wasting your time.

So, you cannot really “work on” a marriage in crisis without first addressing what is causing the crisis–namely, the adulterous sins of the cheater.

Will focusing on the infidelity drive the cheater out of the pastor’s office? Perhaps.

Does that mean the pastor ought to avoid addressing this utterly abusive and destructive sin? Absolutely not.

Sometimes God asks people to do things that they will refuse to do. This does not make God wrong to ask.

Godliness is not easy to pursue. It is still worth pursuing, though.

Beware of pastors or counselors who minimize the sin of marital infidelity when working on the marriage in such a crisis. It is foolishly destructive to avoid dealing with this sin up front.

*A version of this post ran previously.