Money issues do not cause adultery.

Lack of “communication” does not cause adultery.

Emotional or physical distance does not cause adultery.

Even one spouse committing adultery does not cause the other’s adultery.

_________

All of these things put tremendous stress on the relationship. In the case of adultery, it is a death blow to what was. However, none of these circumstances are what caused adultery even in part!   I realize this is not the accepted “wisdom” of many counselors and Christians. They immediately go to diagnosing the issues in the marriage ravaged by adultery.   The problem with that take is it is not biblical. Good students of the Bible know:

We do not look outside the sinner for the cause of the sin.

While marriage stressors are worth addressing, it is foolish to locate the cause of the sin in those stressors (see Mark 7:21-23). They are merely circumstances. Some people do not respond to the same circumstances by cheating. Their character is what makes the difference.   The wise counselor understands this. They focus the work and responsibility on the cheater who needs to learn how to make godly choices as opposed to the sinful ones he or she once made.   ____________ *A version of this post ran previously.

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