Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. – Romans 12:15, NIV
Our churches and families would be so better off if we lived by these words.
“…mourn with those who mourn.”
Mourning is what is happening for faithful spouse upon discovering the dastardly betrayal.
We mourn so much:
- lost dreams
- safety and trust in our ability to detect lies
- a coherent narrative of the past (as it is now under the heavy, toxic fog of adulterous lies)
- people that we thought were “friends”
- family (as in in-laws in some cases)
- money (ready for the divorce downsize?)
- health (nothing like the divorce diet of absolute trauma to get you into those skinny jeans)
- sense of God’s presence (the unbelievable pain seems to make Him feel absent in my experience)
- time with one’s own kids
- and more
My hope in writing this blog and talking about these issues is to see more Christians become people who support faithful spouses (and their families) who mourn as opposed to blaming them for the adulterous betrayal (and following divorce).
The hardes part for me was the lies and deception of those I trusted who chose to hide my husbands sin expecting me to sit quietly on the side line in my own life. (Eg our pastor and church elders) while they fixed him. Unfortunately when my daughter was diagnosed with cancer a month after d,day I was just expected to pack up my devistated emotions regarding my marriage and shelve them, and act like nothing had happened. I herd so often ‘don’t worry about your marriage right now just focus on your daughter.’ This was such a throw away line by many because
Unfortunately my husband confessing to being sexually active with other men for the last 8 yrs of our marriage was not nothing to me, and having to deal with him in the hospital for the sake of our daughter after being totally blind sided was like trying to quell a raging tornado of emotions.
But I praise God for those he raised up to bridge the gap when needed. He is truly faithful.
DM, check, check, check almost all those things on your list. The loss of dreams, safety and trust. The fog of betrayal and lies. And yes, the divorce diet, got into a size 2. Read three of Joel Osteens books, watch his podcasts, receive his daily inspirations. Looking for Gods plan in my life going forward. Your message is spot on.