“What if what the cheater is saying about me is true?!”

-frets the faithful spouse

This is a destructive “What if?” Faithful spouses stuck in this “What if?” are in real danger of spiritual and emotional destruction. They are allowing the daggers of cheater lies dig deeper into their heart.

My encouragement is to remember the source:

A proven liar.

Can a proven liar–as all cheaters are–sometimes speak truth? Yes. However, it is highly unlikely they are speaking truth on matters regarding the spouse they discarded and betrayed.

Partial truth? Sure.

That is just another way of saying that they speak in more dangerous and devious lies. A partial truth is a lie, after all.

Faithful spouses, we need to unlearn trust as it comes to the cheater and their supporters. We need to learn to assume they speak in lies until proven otherwise. Their actions and words have given us cause to no longer give them the benefit of the doubt.

If you have found yourself stuck in the destructive cycle of the “what if’s,” do not be too hard on yourself. I think that is natural as we want to control something outside our control.

If it was really our failures that did this, then we have control. But it wasn’t, and we don’t.

An antidote to this spiral into the “What if what they are saying about me is true?” is to ask yourself another question:

“Would God agree they are excused or justified in cheating if such accusations were true?”

Of course not! Nothing justifies marital infidelity or adultery.

Do not loose sight of the sinful and unacceptable behavior. That is what the cheater and their supporters want you to do.

Adultery is a big deal to God (e.g. Deuteronomy 22:22, Exodus 20:14, Hebrews 13:4, etc).

Nothing excuses it. We are never given permission to break this Commandment.

Remember that the next time you find yourself with a bad case of the “what if’s?”!

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.