In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the wilderness of Judea and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”
-Matthew 3:1-2, NIV
“You got to fight for your marriage!” says Christian leader.
I find it odd, these days, to think how the Christian community puts “saving the marriage” on the faithful spouse.
Years ago, I probably was part of the camp that told you to do everything you can to save your marriage. These days I have a different perspective:
I believe in agency and respecting the other person’s (sinful) choices.
Instead of exhorting the sinner–i.e. the cheater–to repent, we have a whole church community exhorting the adultery victim to try to control what they do not control–i.e. the cheater’s behavior.
And if that was not bad enough, then the faithful spouse is judged by their performance of pursuing the cheater.
Nowhere in this disgusting, twisted set of expectations is the judgment properly focused upon the sinning, abusive cheater. It is ungodly and sick.
Instead of telling a faithful spouse to do everything to “save” their marriage, I would encourage them to face the reality of what happened to them and NOT take responsibility for their partner’s sins.
The onus to rebuild a marriage following adultery ought to be onto the one who blew up the marriage via their sins.
This is the person who ought to do everything in their power to demonstrate true remorse and repentance. Sadly, I rarely–if ever–hear this being the point of emphasis in Christian circles when adultery is in the cards.
