How do you know if your cheater is truly repentant?
Well, if he or she responds to being exposed by sharing a list of your “short-comings,” then the cheater is not likely repentant.
The cheater might even agree that what he or she did was wrong. However, that acknowledgment is brushed aside so that he or she can present their list of grievances regarding the faithful spouse.
In other words, the cheater really does not “get” the gravity of what they did to their spouse.
If the gravity of the situation really hit them, then they would would be horrified to foist more expectations upon the person they wronged. They would not present the victim of their infidelity with a list of things to “fix.”
As pastors and Christian leaders, we can help both cheaters and faithful spouses see this by slowing down the conversation so that the gravity of the infidelity registers.
Instead of taking the bait from the cheater, we ignore the idiocy of them presenting their “Spousal Deficiency List,” and focus upon what they did to said spouse.
We reflect to them and/or the faithful spouse what they coped to doing–namely, raping the soul of their spouse by committing adultery.
In fact, using language like “soul rape” may be necessary to break through to the cheater the gravity of what he or she did to their spouse.
Energy put into making a list is energy better spent in empathizing with their victim(s) and repenting from such wicked behavior. If the cheater insists on his or her list, then you have your answer as to how sorry they are–i.e. not at all!
