“I only say this because I love you…”

-Cheater-Apologist

“For your own good, I hope you have forgiven them.”

-Concerned Christian

I cannot stand people who use the name of Christ to manipulate other Christians.

This is the result of my experiences around the dissolution of my first marriage. I sadly encountered many “Christians” professing care for me that were doing things which were the opposite.

It is sickening.

People would profess care yet would be unwilling to address power structures or individuals who were in the wrong. They talked a good game but did not walk that game out.

They spoke of “love,” “forgiveness,” and “grace,” yet their actions (and even other words) lacked the substance of these words towards me.

I would much rather people be honest.

-They are not interested in my well-being, but rather they want the uncomfortable feelings to go away. That is why they exhort “forgiveness.”

-They talk about “love,” but they only say that to absolve themselves for saying cruel things after that profession.

-They insist upon access to my life and deepest thoughts “for my own good,” but really it is about giving them power to control and make me conform to their ideas of the “right.”  

At one point in my life, these manipulations would have worked. In fact, they did work for a while during my marriage dissolution. I used to defer to authority with trust. Now, I know better.

A person has to earn the place to one’s inner sanctum of the heart. Those who act entitled to it are unworthy as they are demonstrating the opposite of love with such entitlement.

 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

-I Corinthians 13:11, NLT

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

-I John 3:18, NIV

Just because people say things does not make it so.

They need to back their talk with actions. If they do not, they are simply mouthing empty, manipulative words. Such is sowing in the flesh, which comes with grave, spiritual consequences (see Galatians 6:7-8).

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.