If only…
…I had lost that weight.
…landed that well-paying job.
…spent more time at home than working.
…initiated sex more.
…wore sexier underwear.
…was a better listener.
If only…if only…if only…
When you are stuck in “the if onlys,” you are stuck in trying to control something that is outside of your control–namely, the behavior of another person.
Recognizing one’s lack of power to dictate another human’s behavior, beliefs, and responses is the first step to recovering from a bad case of “The If-Onlys.”
The reality is that we do not answer for the sins or behaviors of another. We answer for our own (see 2 Cor. 5:10). The idea here being that God recognizes our powerlessness in choosing another person’s behavior and beliefs.
THAT INCLUDES CHEATING SPOUSES!
Even if you checked off all the “if onlys” boxes, that still does not guarantee your spouse would have remained faithful. In fact, I doubt they would.
Cheating is an internally generated problem (see Mark 7:21-23) and not a marriage caused problem.
It is natural in grief to try and find an explanation. Regrets are our way of suggesting to ourselves that we weren’t powerless against this horrific trauma (even though, the reality is that we were).
Escaping “The What-Ifs” is a growing and healing process.
-We grow as we lay the sin at the sinner’s feet as opposed to taking it upon ourselves.
-And we heal as we extend grace to ourselves understanding we were doing the best we could under the circumstances and understanding no one deserves to be cheated on.
It is a process. However, it begins by refusing to accept responsibility for another’s sins against us.
You did not deserve this because no one deserves to be soul raped!
