“You gotta ask yourself: ‘Why did she HAVE TO leave you?'” says Cheater apologist.

“No, the right question is why you are assuming she HAD TO sin,” says Faithful Spouse.

“Why did she have to leave you?” is a “Loaded Question“–a logical fallacy.

It makes a very BIG assumption–i.e. she HAD TO leave is the assumption. This is a painful and controversial assumption for a spouse who suddenly finds himself abandoned and blamed.

A similarly “Loaded Question” is:

“Why does he have to hit you?”

Healthy, normal people would spot this as a problematic question from the start. Of course, he does NOT have to hit his wife. That he HAS TO is a very false assumption embedded in the question.

Another “Loaded Question” might be:

“Why did he have to look for sex with a sex worker?”

Again, this is loaded with a very false assumption. The person asking this question is leading you to affirm that he HAD TO go to prostitutes for sex. That is utterly false.

All these questions beg another question:

Why is the person asking such a “Loaded Question” doing this?

They might be ignorant. That is probably the most charitable assumption one might make about these people. In their minds, they might actually believe the false assumption embedded in their nasty question.

They might be cheaters themselves. That might explain why they are asking questions designed to protect your Cheater. In their minds, it is always (falsely) the faithful spouse’s fault.

They are family who refuses to face reality with their Cheater family member. The saying, “Blood is thicker than water” applies here. They are running interference for their family member. The last thing they want is to face the shame of what their family member did; so, they attempt to offload the shame on their victim–i.e. the faithful spouse.