“If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.”
-Leviticus 20:10, NLT
What astounds me with pastors and Christian marriage counselors who deal with marital infidelity situations is how too many treat cheating as incidental to a marriage ending in divorce.
And cheaters are more than happy to help these professionals to focus anywhere else than their cheating actions and choices.
It makes me think about the whole embezzler metaphor:
Suppose an embezzler is caught stealing massive amounts of wealth from his or her employer. The amount was so great–and unrecoverable–that the business went into bankruptcy.
Outsiders are now trying to decide what caused the business to go bankrupt…
The embezzler points to “poor marketing strategies” and “lack of vision” in senior leadership. Next, he engages in an in depth discussion about how the company should have produced this rather than that product.
What is important is he denies any responsibility for destroying the business. Instead, he calls his embezzlement and squandering of millions merely “incidental”–certainly NOT instrumental–in bankrupting the company.
Would you consider the person who bought the embezzler’s account of why the business went bankrupt wise or foolish?
My vote is for “foolish.”
Yet this happens all the time to faithful spouses. They are the senior leadership being blamed for “poor marking strategies” and “lack of vision” by their cheater.
That is not to say the company may have had problems in those areas like a marriage ravaged by infidelity.
But do not confuse those issues with the devastating effects of the massive trust withdrawal that cheating is!
Cheating is NOT an incidental side-show to why a marriage ends in divorce.
Anyone who thinks otherwise is in the same foolish camp of those who believe the sad story the embezzler told the outsiders about how the company went bankrupt.
*A version of this post ran previously.
