When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
-I Corinthians 13:11, NKJV
I was dangerously naive in my first marriage.
This was very apparent to me as I entered through the valley of divorce. The behavior I was observing just did not compute. Loved ones were NOT capable of such things–or so I naively thought.
I remember reading the classic book: The Psychopath Next Door by Martha Stout. It was an eye-opener to this trusting soul.
That is the thing about surviving adulterous betrayal and divorce:
We see and experience things that we cannot un-see.
This is good in some sense.
It is a maturing even though it is also a loss of innocence. I am not as trusting as I used to be. (This is good since I work in a prison these days.)
God used this awful experience to develop me into a someone who is able to work with mentally unstable and criminally minded individuals professionally. You see, God never wastes anything.
Plus, God used this maturing process to develop me into a pastor who can help others experiencing such evil. Hence, this blog exists and continues to serve as a vital ministry to others trying to make sense of such wickedness.
Trusting? Umm, no. I know what she’s capable of and that she’s culpable. Silly me. Why didn’t I know that “forsaking all others” would be so stressful, and difficult, and my fault?! I got the message, although, in the end, I don’t think it’s the one she wanted to convey. I certainly didn’t get any better at being a husband. In fact, I’m probably the worst version of myself that I’ve ever been. All I know is I will never again be the quivering mass of destroyed humanity that I was when I first found out. Yep. I might be a little bitter. Oh, and did I forget to mention the daddy issues…
Thank you for sharing this, D.M.
I can totally relate to this in more ways than one. Praise the Lord Jesus 🙂