Have you ever done a “mind map?”
As I remember them from grade school, this is a brainstorming tool where one has a main idea in a bubble then related ideas connected to that bubble to form a web like picture.
I know of a situation involving a cheater who utilized this tool to figure out what to do with her relationship with an other man (OM). Included in her options of what to do with the relationship with the OM were a variety of affairs–e.g. a long-term affair, a short-term affair, etc.
If a spouse is writing down affairs as options for the third party relationship in her mind map, she has already crossed the line as she has violated her marriage vows in her heart!
A Christian spouse has crossed the line multiple ways if she is considering having an affair like this:
-She has violated her vows to “forsake all others” by entertaining an affair as an option to ponder.
-She has violated her Christian commitment to honor God in not coveting another man as well as all the violations made to her marriage covenant.
Let me explain how wrong this sort of thinking is via an analogy:
A woman dislikes her boss at work who is making her job miserable daily. So, she decides to do a mind map about what her options are for that job and dealing with that boss, in particular.
If she is listing homicide, physical torture, or some other variant as part of her mind map, then a mandated reported who saw such a mind map would need to contact the authorities. The brainstorming session has crossed the line.
That is not a healthy way to resolve having a miserable boss. It is not productive to list those as real options to deal with the situation.
Listing various affairs is not a healthy way to resolve a difficult marriage or deal with a third party interloper. The decision was already freely chosen upon the wedding day and sealed with a vow to “forsake all others.”
That option is off the table for anyone with honor and character.
An honorable married person need not consider an affair any more than an employee ought to entertain homicide at work.
To even entertain an affair as a relationship option is an indication that the line is already crossed. The cheater has allowed this party into her heart where she vowed never to allow another in that way.
You would think this is obvious…but sadly, humans are creatures of rationalizing scenarios and are often unwilling to call the wickedness for what it is: an emotional affair.
*A version of this post ran previously.
