If your cheater refuses to stop cheating AND demonstrate to YOUR satisfaction that the affairs are done for good…

…then please do NOT bother trying to reconcile!

This is not a workable situation. 

You do not deserve to remain in an abusive situation as that is what a marriage to an active cheater is. 

Both commitments are necessary: the commitment to end the current affair(s) AND the commitment to prove to YOU the doors to other affairs are firmly shut.

1) To start healing, you have to have the cheater stop doing damaging behavior. That is the first commitment.

2) To restore destroyed trust, you need the cheater committed to rebuilding that trust by demonstrating in action to YOU that they will not betray you again like they did.

I emphasize the last part about the demonstration be to the faithful spouse (and perhaps an expert that the faithful spouse chooses). It is the faithful spouse who is risking their life and well-being by engaging in marriage restoration to a cheater.

So, the faithful spouse is the one who needs convincing and not a third party who may be more interested in “saving marriages” than godly repentance and thereby the well-being of the faithful spouse.