When I start dating, again, following my divorce, the world had changed dramatically. Online dating was now the norm.
Now, it all worked out fine for me. (I met my wife, Mrs. DM, through a popular Christian dating platform). However, I learned a few things.
First, I would encourage the recently divorced to make sure you like yourself before you put yourself out to date.
A danger is to seek a relationship to give you your worth. This is a recipe for disaster. It leaves you completely vulnerable to the other person who could tear you down even if they initially build you up. God is supposed to fill this role; don’t give another person that sort of god-like power over you.
A good barometer to help you gauge where you are at in this is whether or not you “like” yourself and enjoy your own company. If not, then I recommend focusing on fixing the “why?” in that before dating, again. It could save you untold heartache.
Second–the reason I write this post–I would encourage basic divorce disclosure in your online profile.
It could be as simple as:
“I am biblically divorced”
Or
“My first spouse failed to be monogamous, and now, I am divorced.”
The point is to communicate both the divorce part and the part about how you respect God’s standards on marriage. This is important because it is important to marry someone with the same standards–i.e. someone who values monogamy just as highly as you do.
When I was first dating, I didn’t do the best job disclosing this. Eventually, I got to this place. However, I initially withheld my divorce status because I was afraid of the judgment from other so called “Christians” and not being given a chance.
My rationale was to let the get to know me first then share this intimate secret of my past. You see, I wanted to be liked first before dropping this delicate news. (By the way, this never ended well for me.)
Public Service Announcement:
If someone will dismiss you as a dating option because you are divorced from a cheater-abuser, then that someone is not worth your time to date.
Let them know you are biblically divorced and let them sort themselves out as far as if they are in or outside your dating standards on that one. This, too, will save you time and heartache.
Some of us remarry and some of us stay single after a divorce. One state is not necessarily better than the other. God’s best for you will look different than God’s best for someone else.
