Discovering you spouse has been committing adultery is an incredibly traumatic experience.

-You want to be wrong–even crazy is preferable to the real traumatic mess this actually is!

-You want your world NOT to be upended and obliterated like it is.

-In short, you want to wake up from this nightmare.

This is grief and shock speaking.

And cheaters are known to prey upon faithful spouses who decide to take up residence here rather than face reality. It is a vulnerable time.

The last thing a faithful spouse needs in this period is a pastor or professional counselor telling him or her that they are crazy when they are not!

That just adds to the already confusing time.

(And it helps the cheater continue to manipulate the situation–i.e. aids evil.)

Instead, faithful spouses need to know this is a normal response to such catastrophic loss and intimate trauma. IT IS!

You are not alone in wishing this catastrophe away. Wanting to be wrong about it is normal. I’ve been there myself.

It will pass as you gain time and strength to face the harsh realities that come when married to a cheater. I am not saying it is easy. But I AM saying you need not be forever stuck in this state.

As you rebuild your life, you may discover–as I did–that the new life far surpasses the old. Yes, this can and does happen!

So, surround yourself with kind, loving friends willing and able to help you face the difficult reality.

With their help and God’s grace, you can exchange this nightmare for a new, glorious life.

I know, because I did.

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.