The mouth of an adulterous woman is a deep pit;
a man who is under the Lord’s wrath falls into it.-Proverbs 22:14, NIV
While the Other Man (OM) does not escape censure in this verse, I find it fascinating to see the ancient wisdom of the Bible pointing to the adulterous woman as the issue. The OM (or analogously Other Woman) is the prey.
Now, that is not to excuse or justify what the OM/OW did as acceptable. It remains sin. They are fully responsible for choosing to commit adultery with a married woman/man.
However, I see the Scripture remind us of the truth that the fury ought to find its focus on the adulterous spouse first. They were the ones vowing lifelong fidelity and are accountable for failing to safeguarding their covenant promises.
The OM/OW are painted as downright foolish in this wisdom saying. They thought they could steal intimacy, etc and get away. However, they discovered climbing out of that pit is not easy. It’s deep.
This Proverb reminds us that sin may be fun at the time–for the OM/OW–but it leads to great misery later.
Who really wants to be under God’s wrath?!
I don’t.
This sort of mindset helped me as I thought about the OM. It helped me let go and forgive the OM–i.e. give Him over to God (as I never had any direct contact with him).
Originally, I contemplated giving him an epic beat down. I played collegiate-level football and currently bench press over 400lbs. So, it would have been easy work for me.
Then I quickly realized that would be foolish. She would use that response against me.
Besides, he was not my main problem.
She was.
The OM was wrong. True. But the primary problem still was with my (now) ex-wife who chose to carry on with him even during our season of emergency marriage counseling! If it wasn’t that young fool (OM), it would be another as long as her lack of character remained unaddressed.
Sleeping with another man’s wife (or another woman’s husband) is not ‘hip.’ It is what God allows people do who under His wrath!
Chew on that anytime you feel envious of the OM/OW.
Good advice DM, to let them go. It is difficult to do when you know they knew the situation and took advantage of the situation. There may have been a period of weakness for the adulterous spouse due to physical or mental conditions. Had the OM or OW stood on moral ground, the outcome may have been different. It’s very hard to let go that they robbed you of your greatest personal investment.