“You need to move on,” says the Privileged.
When something as traumatic as a surviving the adultery and divorce from a cheater happens, you are forever marked.
Over time, I have found the scars fade. However, they will always be there. People pushing for one to “move on” are pushing denial of these scars. It is unhelpful.
Someone is privileged when he or she does NOT have to deal with the complicated grief of losing a spouse through adultery and divorce. They are not living this grief daily. A faithful spouse is.
So, it sounds awfully judgmental to start talking about moving on when this person has never had to “move on” from such an experience themselves. They simply do not understand.
What this statement–“Move on”–communicates is a callous and ignorant response to the faithful spouse’s grief and pain.
I understand someone being “stuck” is frustrating. However, I suggest validating the pain and injustice as opposed to judging them. If you do not have the capacity to do so, then let them know that in a kind way.
You cannot “move on” from something that is part of you because you take yourself wherever you “move.”
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*A version of this post ran previously.
