Pro-Tip:

Do NOT use your cheater’s individual therapist* for help fixing the marriage!

This is a hard learned lesson for me. It did not go well when I did not live by this tip. I will leave it at that.

The problems with using your cheater’s individual therapist for the marriage issues are multifold:

1. They have a pecuniary investment in seeing the cheater’s side of things.

2. They have more information and likely a stronger relationship with the cheater.

3. Point #1 and #2 suggest the therapist is unlikely to be unbiased against the faithful spouse. They are much more likely to be supportive the cheater’s distorted narrative of things–i.e. an enabler.

Finally, their therapy sessions did not stop the cheater from cheating in the first place!

So, I recommend finding a pastor or another counselor who does not have such investment or history with the cheater if you are choosing to work on things with the cheater. At least, that way you will stand a better chance of having a potentially productive interaction.

 

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*This is not therapeutic advice. I am not a licensed counselor. This is just advice coming from another faithful spouse–a mere lay person–who has life experience in this area.