Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us….
-Romans 8:33-34a, NLT
What faithful spouses need more than spiritual advice are people willing to listen to them without condemnation.
Faithful spouses are recovering from multiple traumas, soul rape. The losses are huge. The suffered injustices are many.
The last thing we need is to have so-called Christian fellowship and support offered to us on the condition that our emotions are “right” or we are doing “forgiveness” right.
In my considerable experience from this website, I have noticed that faithful spouses are introspective to a fault. We will mull things over to our own detriment finding fault in ourselves when none is really there.
A healing, Christian community and/or pastor does not facilitate this unhelpful tendency.
They refuse to allow the faithful spouse to shoulder shame and blame that is not theirs to own.
A true Christian brother or sister stops out such false guilt, shame, and blame wherever it is found.
They refuse to let the faithful spouse feel bad over having righteous anger–like being angry over being cheated on and lied to.
They refuse to allow her take partial blame for her husband’s infidelity and abandonment.
They refuse to tolerate other Christians judging and condemning the victims of adultery.
Faithful spouses do not need “correction plans.” Their healing does not need your judgment as if God teaches performance as the admission into His loving embrace.
They need your loving embrace.
Not someone who is assessing them:
“What have you learned from this?” or “Have you really forgiven him?” or “Do you really want that bitterness to take root?”
Faithful spouses generally do a “good” job beating themselves up over these things. They do not need another person so swing the condemning switch against their souls.
What they need is a “safe” person and a “safe” community who cares enough to sit with them in the discomfort that comes in being present during times of real injustice and great loss.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
My brother suggested I might like this web site. He was totally right.
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time I had spent for this information! Thanks!