Public Service Announcement:
Just because a specific third party was not present at the time of the abandonment does NOT necessarily mean the cheater left for reasons other than to cheat!
Some people lack capacity for monogamy. They lack the required character it takes to keep their solemn vows to God and their spouse.
I suspect some people might think–erroneously–that a marriage where the parties separated and then adultery occurred was a marriage doomed by something other than said adultery.
It is erroneous because such a causation narration both:
1) minimizes the destructive power of adultery as well as
2) fails to grasp how adultery starts in the heart well before the actual sinful act(s) [see James 1:13-15].
Let me elaborate:
A cheater may have resolved in her heart that she no longer was going to live by monogamous vows she had made to her husband. She wants to live like a swinging single enjoying the sexual high of being pursued as such.
Such a cheater may not have her favorite gigolo on the line when she leaves, but her heart is already seeking third parties.
Adultery truly is the reason the marriage has imploded even though the actual sinful act comes after the abandonment.
This situation is like a “natural” death:
A patient might have multiple things wrong with her and maybe even entered hospice for one thing. But a brain aneurysm–for example–was just waiting to give away and kill the patient.
Only a stubborn (and wrong) doctor would say the patient died for the admitting disease when the truth was that the brain aneurysm giving way actually killed her in the end.*
My point is causation in the natural world like the spiritual world might not be initially obvious to us. We may miss the adulterous desires hidden in the abandoning spouse’s heart.
Like a stubborn (and wrong) medical doctor, it would be unwise to double down on initial incorrect diagnosis as the cause of the marriage’s demise when the adultery–like the brain bleed for the patient–is obviously what did the killing.
*To be clear: I am not a medical doctor and am in no way dispensing medical advice here. This analogy is merely an illustration.
That is the conclusion I came to as well on D-day. They were open to others even before the actual betrayal. I think most of us understood this very quickly. The way I see it is our mind has no feelings. Thus is able to process information/situations rather clearly. And conclusion is obvious. But our heart is the opposite, all feelings, emotions, attachments, love, convictions, beliefs, and more. Both make us one whole healthy being. Thus it is a struggle between mind and heart after d-day, where our heart has upper hand and are vulnerable to doubt ourselves and believe lies. With time mind takes over and we see it again that we were correct from the start.