Pastors, we–faithful spouses–are past talking about marriage enrichment issues.
One of the many annoying things about talking to some Christians about infidelity is how they seem incapable of basic spiritual care triage. The serious nature of the situation does not register with some.
They do not understand how working on “communication skills” is not going to save a marriage where one partner refuses to stop banging an outside partner.
Focusing upon “communication issues” is akin to teaching the faithful spouse about the importance of keeping a clean house while the cheater is actively burning that same house to the ground.
Please, pastors, put the fire out first!
When infidelity has ravaged a marriage, this is the fire that needs addressing. We are past the household chore dividing issues or give-your-spouse-flowers-every-single-day advice level.
That advice has its time and place. By the way, that time and place is NOT upon adultery discovery!
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*A version of this post ran previously. Acknowledgements to Chump Lady for her metaphorical description of infidelity and escaping it like escaping a burning house.
Yes it frustrated me talking to some Christians how they just do not get the seriousness of the sin. The first thing they’ll say is “have you tried to work it out?” Followed closely by the “forgiveness” talk. It’s infuriating, to be honest. They totally gloss over the adultery as if that’s just an unfortunate “side issue”. My prayer is the narrative will change around adultery and people will see it for what it is- a serious, abusive act that should be dealt with in a decisive manner (ie divorce) and not something to minimise and gloss over.