“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.'”
-Proverbs 30:20, NIV
Public Service Announcement:
People Don’t Hide “Platonic” Friendships!
Until one is in such a situation, one might never think about this commonsense principle. Innocent people usually act like innocent people. Guilty people act like guilty people running for the cover of darkness or confusion (see John 3:20).
I remember presenting evidence to a pastor of my (now) ex-wife’s extensive interaction with her adultery partner. This included hundreds of exchanged texts per month on top of the copious minutes spent talking to each other. Add to that, I never had met this dude.*
The pastor claimed neutrality and would not confront my (now) ex-wife.
So, I did it myself in a public place to limit the drama.
If a spouse is spending hours on the phone and sending/receiving hundreds of texts per month with an individual unknown to the other spouse, the chatty spouse has already broken the “forsaking all others” part of the marriage vow. Minimally, they are cheating emotionally and likely have or will have cheated physically with this person.
One doesn’t hide a platonic friend from one’s spouse.
The type of person one hides from one’s spouse is an affair partner!
The logic is pretty simple at this point. If a husband has a long and intense relationship with a woman unknown to the wife, he is cheating.
A relationship of that much time real estate means it is taking precedence over the spousal relationship. A wife not knowing of such loss of time and resource by the husband given to the other woman means the wife has not agreed to it. That means it is stolen time and resource from the marriage. It’s cheating.
Besides, cheaters know this. Let’s be honest…
That is why they keep the illicit relationship hidden or try to convince others that it is just a “platonic” friendship.
Even true platonic friendships consuming that much time need to be negotiated with a spouse. Hiding the relationship means the spouse didn’t want to negotiate but rather just take what he or she wanted–likely illicit sex included.
People who walk in the light have no need for darkness (e.g. John 3:19-21). However, shady people–i.e. cheaters–run for the darkness and hide because they know what they are doing is wrong and is no “platonic” friendship!
*Plus, I had other evidence indicating the relationship had gone sexual (which was confirmed later with even more evidence).
**A version of this post ran previously.
Everytime I read this sad story (yours, above, and others) I am grateful that God exposed the liar/cheater to me before we were actually married. By doing so, He saved me from unimaginable grief. Sure, I mourned the loss of a supposed loved one and it messed with my mind for some time afterward, but it was a clean break; no children in the mix, no shameful revelations or apologies to relatives required, no financial encumberments, no lengthy counciling sessions, etc. I deeply empathize with those poor people who must endure the ultimate grief of family betrayal.