For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

-2 Timothy 1:7, KJV

I am deeply troubled by how acceptable it is within Christian leadership to use fear about divorce against faithful spouses.

If you are like me, you have heard the terrifying statistics (67% and 73% respectively) about how second and third marriages alarmingly high divorce rates. These statistics are usually employed to attempt to discourage Christians from divorcing in the first place. They steel hope for those who desperately need hope. Sadly, they are also cruelly used on victims of a divorce forced upon them by their Cheater and Abandoner.

Does God use fear to control us?

No. (See II Timothy 1:7)

What does this mean? The use of fear here is ungodly. True followers of Christ should stop doing it.

Honestly, the faithful spouse looking at divorce is not a statistic. Her choice to divorce–and thereby open her future to a second marriage–should not be about her future divorce odds.

She is dealing with serious sin–i.e. adultery–and does not need a pastor cursing her by saying her second marriage will likely end in divorce, too, if she ends her first to a cheater. This is unhelpful.

I am here to testify to the fact my second marriage is vastly better than my first! 

In fact, I am now nearing the tenth year anniversary of my second marriage. My first marriage only lasted six years.

Does this mean you will automatically have a better second marriage? No.

It is work. You have to do your work on yourself to ensure you do not choose another user as a partner.

However, marriage is vastly easier when not married to a person who treats you with contempt by cheating and then blaming you for the marriage troubles.

 

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*A version of this post ran previously. This post has been updated.