But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning.
-I Timothy 5:20, NIV
By continuing this ministry, I know I will experience the occasional judgment and condemnation of others.
“He must be bitter.”
“I am concerned about his new family. He you would think he would have moved on by now. This isn’t healthy.”
“Airing dirty laundry is not how a Christian minister should behave.”
You get the idea…
Church people would prefer faithful spouses keep silent about adultery. They do not like having to face the ugliness of adultery’s fallout. It is not a topic for polite, ankle-length denim dress Christian circles. Instead, church people would prefer a world where adultery is not mentioned.
The problem with a church world where adultery is not named is multifold:
1. God talks about adultery all through the Bible. To not talk about adultery is to fail to teach on a matter God found important enough to mention multiple times in the Bible.
2. Silence makes the Church complicit in shaming the faithful spouse and family for being sinned against. It enables the cheater to continue the abuse and control the narrative. In fact, the cheater is emboldened by the silence to feel entitled to avoiding all consequences to their sins. This includes avoiding being known for their evil deeds.
3. People are not warned about the spiritual dangers adultery poses, which is a pastoral failure. The cheating party is not served by this silence when it comes to eternity. They are going down a path marked with destruction for others and themselves. A godly person who cared would warn them and would not keep silent.
I continue this ministry because I know God continues to use it to bring life to those who need it.
Sure, it would be more convenient for me to stop blogging and direct my energies elsewhere. However, I continue this ministry because I feel God called and equipped me specifically to help people struggling with the issues surrounding infidelity and divorce. So, I will continue even if that means some will judge me.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
I mentioned this on CL, but I see you and CL and other like you as no different than those folks who have suffered DV/rape, family lost to drunk drivers, PTSD from war etc. We need more of you not less.
Why so many don’t like advocacy for the victims of intimate betrayal and all of its facets I don’t know. I think if more knew that the act of sex is just one small part of the ongoing betrayal, they might see it differently; yet so many fight that knowledge.
The abuse is so deep financial, verbal, emotional, gas lighting, contempt etc. Life long scars for most of us, yet we are called bitter if we want to bring it out in the open to try to help others.