Why put the adultery victim on trial but not the cheater?
One of the most backwards pieces in my ecclesiastical trial to retain my minister’s license was how I was on trial for being cheated on and divorced by my ex-wife.
Even after such cheating and abandonment was established (my ex-wife was the one insisting on the divorce), they continued to push to see if I had done something to deserve “it.”
I shake my head thinking about that unjust and ungodly process. If righteousness and godliness was the real goal, then they ought to have been rebuking my (now) ex-wife.
What I experienced is sadly not unique to the experience of faithful spouses all throughout the church. However, it might take the shape of a less formal “court.”
It is so backwards and unbiblical (see 2 Corinthians 5:10) to pressure faithful spouses to answer for the deeds of their cheating spouses (or exes).
The reticence to ask probing questions seems to vanish when it comes to some pastors asking inappropriate and invasive questions of faithful spouses.
But ask that same pastor to confront the cheater, then they beg off this very Christian duty (see 2 Timothy 4:2) claiming a lack of relationship or not being sure enough to ask such invasive questions.
The faithful spouse ought NOT to be the one on trial.
The faithful spouse ought NOT to be the one having to answer hard and invasive questions alone.
The faithful spouse ought NOT to be blamed for the actions of the cheater and/or abandoning spouse.
To treat them otherwise is to treat faithful spouses in an ungodly way!
