“The perpetrator must say the crime out loud; acknowledge how his actions have impacted his victim; empathize with her; feel profound remorse; and do ‘extensive work’ to understand what made him commit the crime.”
-Eve Ensler on what a real apology is regarding sexual abuse
Want to know if a cheater is truly sincere in his or her desire for repentance?
This quote is an excellent way to gauge that. The offender–namely, the cheater–needs to be willing to pay an emotional price for harming the faithful spouse. That is what it means to empathize with the victim and acknowledge the damage of his or her actions.
A cheater–or abuser as this quote is about–who is unwilling to humble himself in such a way is an abuser who is NOT really sorry.
Sadly, I bet I am not alone with those who have had less than a full acknowledgment of the sins committed against me in the first part (and that is more than many get!).
Acknowledging the sins is a hard thing to do.
Cheaters generally are not equipped to the hard–but right–thing.
Some do.
Those rare few are the ones who understand blaming their victims is unacceptable and that they have the power to do better in the future as long as they commit themselves to change–aka repentance and transformation.
Want to know if your cheater is one of the few or one of the multitude of easy-path cheaters?
See if they are willing to do the things for you that the quote from Eve Ensler lays out. That demonstrates true remorse and a heart willing to repent.
