Excuses might be found for a thief who steals because he is starving. But if he is caught, he must pay back seven times what he stole, even if he has to sell everything in his house.
-Proverbs 6:30-31, NLT
One of the maddening aspects of being a faithful spouse is how Christians will look to you to up your “game” raising expectations while neglecting doing the same for the partner who just detonate the “A” bomb in your marriage.
The above verses come from a chapter dealing with advice about avoiding the adulteress. Notice that the expectation for a regular thief was stiff restitution–seven times back what he stole!
An adulterous spouse has stolen more than a bread thief!
So, it is backwards, unbiblical thinking to put the burden to repay upon the victim of the theft rather than the thief–i.e. the cheater.
Expectations for Cheaters Needing Raising!
Faithful spouses and friends of faithful spouses need to keep this in mind. We need to stop settling for scraps and unbiblical counsel that puts the burden upon us to fix the cheater’s mess.
Cries of “Unfair!”
To the cheaters and counselors who point out two people make a relationship, I will remind them that it was ONE person who lied and cheated. They stole emotional stability, money (often times), and intimacy from their partner by engaging in infidelity and deceit.
It is JUST to expect such a thief to pay back his or her debts.
Maybe the cheater will not live up to these expectations of restitution? That is very possible. They might take offense to having to stop their abusive, thieving ways.
Yet that gives clarity to the situation.
The cheater is not real repentant if that is the case. A wise faithful spouse can take that information and realize remaining in the marriage means remaining in situation where they will be used and abused. I recommend divorce when that is the case (see Mt 19:9).
Raising expectations on cheaters to engage in restitution is both wise and godly!
And their response to such expectations will be telling as to whether you are dealing with someone sorry for cheating or someone sorry for getting caught.
