***Important Disclaimer: Please seek appropriate mental health help if you are experiencing thoughts of suicide and especially if you have a plan to take your life! Divorce Minister is not a mental health provider and therefore not a substitute for direct and professional help for mental health needs. DM is a pastor, not a therapist.***
It was a conversation I will probably never forget.
My friend was talking about a recent suicide that a pastor friend was dealing with at his church. He was quick to point out the selfishness of the person who just died by suicide. In fact, I could hear anger in his voice as described the situation and talked about the deceased.
He couldn’t get why someone would do that–i.e. take his own life.
And all I could think–but did not say at that time–was:
“I wish I couldn’t understand it either.”+
I was envious of this friend. He professed his inability to relate to someone to whom suicide was attractive. It just didn’t compute to him. Suicide just was not an option no matter the circumstance.
It did compute to me. Boy, did it compute to me! And this was before I discovered my (now) ex-wife’s sexual infidelity.
I understood the attraction:
No longer having to solve what seems like impossible problems. Ending the pain. Silencing the “voices” saying you are worthless. Exacting “revenge” in an “I’ll-show-you!” way.
It is attractive. The attraction of a despair.
But Despair is a lying demon.
Don’t do it!
It is a lie from the pit of Hell that your life isn’t worth living. Your life is a precious gift from God.
Plus, you will only hurt those who truly care about you. The good people. Those that you have touched by your existence and who value your presence.
Maybe you think you do not have anyone who actually loves and cares about you. That is a lie, too.
God loves you.
And if you cannot name one other human being, I care about you and want you to live.
As I discovered later, you will never really know how many people out there really love and value you. This was driven home to me when I confided to some of my buddies from my football days. I told them that I had considered suicide during the darkest of months. The pain was that bad.
They were both extremely glad I had not given into the voice of despair.
No shame to you if you have entertained the idea of suicide. That happens when your life is completely blown up and you have no clue how to go on. I have been there.
Never forget, though, that Despair is a liar.
It does get better. The pain does lessen in time and with intentional healing. And God does still have plans and works prepared for you to do (see Jeremiah 29:11 and Ephesians 2:10).
That is not to invalidate your grief, losses, or pain. Those are real. Very real.
But remember the truth. God does not promise what God does not deliver. And He has promise you a future and hope. Grasp onto that with faith, which He promises to richly reward (see Hebrews 11:6).
If I had given into the demon of despair, many people who truly love me would be hurting today from my death. Munchkin would never have met me as her daddy. Mrs. DM would never have known my love and presence. This blog never would have been created. And much, much more ministry through my chaplaincy never would have happened.
I do not know what the future God has for you looks like. But I promise you that He has one for you.
I know I am speaking to someone (or more) by writing this today. God pressed it deeply on my heart that I needed to write on the topic of suicide as a way to encourage someone to choose life.
He does truly have a future for you, if you are that person. He does.
Nothing is so impossible or too painful that God cannot redeem and transform it into life.
I know as He did it for me.
+Today, I am grateful for the gift of empathy. I can connect with individuals to whom suicide was/is a temptation because I have felt that deep despair myself. It is not necessarily a gift I would have chosen for myself. Nevertheless, it is a gift all the same.
***Important Disclaimer: Please seek appropriate mental health help if you are experiencing thoughts of suicide and especially if you have a plan to take your life! Divorce Minister is not a mental health provider and therefore not a substitute for direct and professional help for mental health needs. DM is a pastor, not a therapist.***
XOXOOXOOXO!! to you!
No, it was not to me you are writing this, but rather my {{{{Hugs! & Love!}}}} here are to thank you for listening to that ‘urge’ to write this post!
I, too, know all too well the allure of that filthy lie! I know you will indeed reach that ‘one’ or ‘more’ that needed to hear this from you today.
This is not an easy topic to address…..Unfortunately, still has too many negatives attached to it within the Christian context. Remember, even the beloved & precious man Job wished to die because of the horrors that afflicted him.
Personally, I thank my Creator everyday for holding my hand & leading me out of that ‘low sink of despair’ to a life that is now so full and rich!
As you so truthfully stated, the low feelings that urge one to end their life due to the horror inflicted by another is truly an evil from the Devil.
Forge on, My Friend……ForgeOn!
I totally agree with your points. One thing I’ve learned is that change happens. Which is great when you need positive change to happen. I’ve lost several jobs, and thought I would never be able to support myself. I found a new one that I like which actually pays better. I was divorced and friendless, as my friends had moved and my “best friend” turned out to be a cheater. Despite my major lack of confidence and my social anxiety, I found new friends. I struggled with the lies my ex shouldered me with. I found other people who struggle with the same thing and learned that we don’t have to buy the lies.
When the night is darkest, it seems like dawn will never come. We’re not the only ones that feel that way. By sticking around, I’ve been a blessing to other people who needed kindness, just like the people who were kind to me stuck around through their moments of great despair. It’s worth sticking around.