So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
-Matthew 7:12, NIV
One of the aspects of working with faithful spouses that disturbs me greatly is how their cheaters use them and essentially make them their “play things.”
The cheater goes off with the Other Woman/Other Man but then comes back expecting the faithful spouse to be there for them. These wicked people even expect the faithful spouse to lie and cover for their lack of character. If that is not bad enough, cheaters talk about divorcing their faithful partner but then change their mind.
It is emotional hell for the faithful spouse!
I know from painful personal experience how hard this is. My true friends recognized how unhealthy this state of limbo was for me. It hurt them to see me messed with in this way. That said, I was stuck in limbo because I was unwilling to take charge and file for/accept divorce.
Passivity is not your friend, faithful spouse!
Take charge as far as deciding what is and is not acceptable to you. Then enforce your boundaries as those boundaries will be tested by the cheater as they are not used to you having and enforcing boundaries.
Warning: This might make them mad as they no longer have such complete control over you as they did prior to you enforcing your boundaries. ***So, be sure to do this with safety in mind.***
By not pulling the trigger and going through with a divorce after repeated infidelity scenarios, you are training the cheater that such major boundary violations will be tolerated. It ought not to surprise you that the behavior continues and the cheater treats such wickedness as “not a big deal” as your response to such actions is telling them as much.
You are allowing them to walk all over you and the institution of marriage!
Don’t.
One of the wisest pieces of counsel I ever received during my own dark valley was the counsel to force a choice:
Either the cheater needs to be “all in” when it comes to repairing the marriage ending the infidelity or divorce was needed to get away from such damaging wickedness.
I urge you, faithful spouse, don’t allow the cheater to use you like “a play thing.” You are a person and deserve respect as such. Enforce your boundaries and teach the cheater plus others that you find some wickedness intolerable.
*A version of this post ran previously.
