“The crux of the teaching is that the foundation of all abuse is the misassignment of responsibility. So the abuse victim accepts that assignment of responsibility as being theirs.”

-Bob Hamp in Episode 277: What the Healing Journey Looks Like, Flying Free Podcast, page 6 (transcript).

Last week, I taught a group on the subject of “The Shared Responsibility Lie,” which states that we are responsible or partially responsible for our spouse’s sins.

It is false. It is a lie. But it is SOOOO prevalent in the Church.

Recently, someone familiar with my ministry sent me this podcast–Flying Free–where a conversation is had about something called “misassigning responsibility.” And I agree with the person who sent the link that this is akin to “The Shared Responsibility Lie.”

How many of us took on responsibility of fixing a marriage ravaged by cheating?

This is one thing that we DO own. We may take responsibility that is NOT ours to take. Cheaters are more than happy to share this with us.

I think we take it on to have some control–which is an illusion–of the outcome of our marriage. Sadly, many of us ultimately experience how much an illusion this is.

To heal, we have to stand in the truth.

We need to STOP taking on responsibility for the destruction of our marriage to a Cheater. Not a bit. The Bible teaches adultery ends marriages (see Deut 22:22), and we did not commit adultery. That sin alone ended the marriage. It is time to stop taking on responsibility that is not ours.

The truth sets us free when we choose to walk in it.

We need to walk in the truth that we share no responsibility for the destruction of a marriage to a Cheater (and therefore, we are not responsible for the rebuild–rather, it is upon the one who destroyed it, if we want it.)