See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Hebrews 12:15, NIV

In order to avoid the discomfort of facing injustice and naming it as such, some Christians turn on faithful spouses calling them “bitter.”

They are too spineless to actually call the cheater to account for his or her sins. Instead, they lie to themselves that they are righteous in “warning” the cheater’s victim.

This warning is self-serving.

Now, it is perfectly true that we are to avoid bitterness. However, I suspect most people talking about this subject are people who misdiagnose complicated grief as bitterness.

The last thing a struggling faithful spouse needs is religious condemnation. They have likely endured plenty already from their cheater.

The verse just prior to the verse warning about bitterness is a verse talking about living holy lives (Hebrews 12:14). This begs the question:

Why don’t people fixate on how cheaters are NOT LIVING HOLY LIVES?! 

Instead, people are quick to condemn a faithful spouse for being “bitter.” It is sad. Plus, it is cruel.

The faithful spouse needs validation and affirmation that what they are experiencing is wrong and in no way sanctioned by God. Instead, they have God’s name invoked to condemn them in the middle of their struggle. That is not godly.

We need to do better as a Christian community!

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.