And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

-Ephesians 3:17b-19, NIV

Do you want to know how spiritually healthy you are?

I have a simple test:

How convinced are you of God’s love for you?

A little? Not at all? You think God dislikes you? 

Where are you at in believing in Christ’s love for you while you were in active opposition to Him?

Security and belonging comes before “behaving.” We cannot live into our identity as children of God if we are convinced we have to perform to “get in.” This is the genius about this passage in Ephesians 3 coming from the ethics chapters in the letter. Paul (and Holy Spirit through Paul’s pen) understood the need for being rooted in God’s love for us before “behaving.” Another important thing to note about this rooted-ness in God’s love is how it ought to transform how we behave towards others, including God.

When we really understand love, it hurts us when we do things that hurt the one we love. Real love isn’t a pushover.

That said, the motivation isn’t a panic of losing a position in the family. Rather a person who wrongs another beloved family member seeks to fix it because he or she loves the family and the Father.  

This is why I do not buy cheaters talking about how they believe in God’s love for them while they behave in hate-filled ways towards that same God by committing adultery.

That is not how I understand how real love works. Those two things are incompatible–a real understanding of God’s love is incompatible with being dismissive towards harming that relationship through the sins of adultery.

Real love cares deeply when the object of that love is harmed.

Cheaters are hurting God by committing sins. Real love them would propel them to heal the breach, not deny the need for such work. This also means healing the breach in a relationship with a believing spouse, especially. I John 4:20 makes it clear that you cannot act in hate towards a brother or sister and still truthfully claim that you love God. Being rooted in Christ’s love may sound like a soft and warm thing. But it is more. Really understanding God’s love for us has tremendous healing power both for the individual and the community enabling godly, righteous living.     _______

*A version of this post ran previously.