The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.
-Job 42:12a, NIV
Christians are terrible as far as how they attempt to manipulate faithful spouses into staying married to unrepentant cheaters.
I can think of several spiritually abusive moves that faithful spouses endure in various Christian communities who take a dim or somewhat dim view on divorcing a cheater.
1. Divorce is taught as sin. (It is not–always–a sin!)
Their teaching is a lie. God does not sin; yet God divorces Israel in the Bible (see Jeremiah 3:8) over infidelity. However, this lie serves the purpose of “saving” marriages. It serves to trap the conscientious, faithful spouse in a marriage to someone who has contempt both for them and God.
2. If divorce happens, some Christians insist remarriage is not permitted.
The Bible consistently assumes remarriage when divorce is considered (see Deuteronomy 24). I find Christians assuming no remarriage after divorce to be Christians holding an absolutely absurd position. The whole point of a divorce is to clear the way for another marriage. It is called a separation, not a divorce, if you are not free to remarry.
3. Some resort to fear tactics about second or third marriage failure rates.
I find this tactic to discourage divorce rather distasteful. It is using the powers of the world to manipulate God’s kids (see 2 Timothy 1:7). Such fear-mongering has no place among God’s people.
The reality is my second marriage is far better than my first. It has lasted longer and is healthier than the first ever was.
Far from being a life-sentence to misery, my divorce was a mercy that cut away “death” to preserve the future full of life that I enjoy today. I am so grateful that I was able to remarry and continue my life after my divorce. It has been richer in all ways than my first marriage. Plus, I know anecdotally that I am not alone in such an experience as a faithful spouse.
