“…you won’t be defensive or angry or proud or bitter. A contrite heart makes no demands and has no expectations. Broken and humble people are simply grateful to be alive.”

-Charles Swindoll, A Man of Passion and Destiny: David, Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1997, pp207.

The question about how to tell if a cheater is repentant or not is a frequent question from faithful spouses.

My mother actually ran across the above quote and brought it to my attention the other day. This quote from Pastor Chuck Swindoll on the life of King David in the Bible is a great way to discern the answer to the question about whether a cheater really is repentant.

Just look at how the cheater presents himself or herself:

-Are they still defensive?

-Do they try to blame you in their “apology”?

-Is an entitlement mentality present even after getting caught?

-Is the apology given to manipulate you into doing something?

If any of these questions come back with an affirmative answer, you can be assured that the repentance is not genuine. They have not hit the bottom yet.

Seeing humility in the cheater is key.

I believe cheating is a sin of pride (among other things). The cheater feels entitled to violate their spouse spiritually. They did not care about the spouse’s feelings nor the feelings of all the others their sin would impact. It was all about them. Cheaters need to come to a place where they see how wrong that was, if repentance is to happen. They need to forsake their arrogance and humble themselves, in other words.