Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?”
-Psalm 42:3, NLT
Valentine’s Day
While couples celebrate this day, it can be an especially painful holiday for those contemptuously betrayed and dumped by their partners.
I want to acknowledge that here.
It is okay to feel angry, sad on this day. That is all part of the grief process.
Maybe you even feel surprised how intensely you feel sadness or anger today?
The unpredictability of grief is natural. Grief has its own timetable. The heart does not dance to the commands of the mind. It heals in its own time.
Feel the feelings.
But don’t believe the lies.
The lies saying that…
…you are unlovable.
…God is punishing you.
…you are unwanted.
God loves you (see John 3:16)
God is not the author of evil (see James 1:13-17), and ergo, He is not the author of your wicked victimization.
And finally, God wants you (Psalm 27:10).
Never forget those truths. It is okay to feel sad over the losses and okay to feel mad over the injustices suffered. But give no quarter to the lies.
You are loved.
You are wanted.
And those truths never will change.
Thank you. My ex never made me feel wanted or special on Valentine’s Day, along with most days. I’m sure you all must think I’m an ugly, fat, disgusting, abusive, ignorant, nagging, cold wife. I was none of those things. My ex could never see what he had as he was always looking to see what he didn’t have.
But God. But God saw me always. My value. My beauty. My worth as a woman and someone created in His image. Amen.
Martha, I don’t see you that way in *any manner*. It comes through in your writing, because you are still in disbelief that this happened. It comes through every line. You can’t process it because it makes no sense that your wonderful qualities were not valued by your XH. He was a liar from the jump, and when that is your partner, you never had a chance.
If I listed the qualities of the “person” (using term loosely) that my XH destroyed our lives for, you would shake your head and write me off as a pathological liar. It defies comprehension.
I am reading a book about forgiveness that is entirely scriptural based. The book commands us to forgive the people that have hurt us the most. I literally laughed out loud. I could never forgive my XH or the person who taunted me with filthy texts. But….we are commanded to do it. How awful! I was actually angry at the scripture. I put the book away in disgust.
Ephesians 4: 31-32
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Bitterness and rage are what I have, in spades. The only thing I have found is to turn it over to GOD. I know it sounds simplistic, but it actually works, Martha. If you say it out loud. You are not ready to forgive them yet and *I AM NOT EITHER*. So, just turn it over to GOD.
Literally. When your mind starts to race and the anger boils up and blacks out all sane thought…just say, GOD….Please take this. I am not strong enough to manage this burden. God/Jesus Christ, I am asking you as your follower to help me. Please take this anger. It is ruining my life.
Scripture is a goal to work toward. We are human and it is normal to be sickened, physically and mentally, about these core shaking betrayals.
Another line that helped me in the book was this:
Is your anger contributing to your joy and happiness? Obviously not. So, when I start to get lost in ruminating in the past, just sort of shake yourself and remind yourself that they have wasted enough of your life.
Have you ever read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl? If not, read it today. He was a concentration camp survivor and he talks about forgiving people who have committed atrocities. It is not for them…it is for YOU. It is all about your joy, that can come back in your life after tangling with a demon.