Assuming a cheater is miserable because their spouse is so lousy is a dangerously bad assumption.
The misery may simply result from a discord between their actions and their morals. They cannot escape the condemnation in their hearts over the sins they are committing.
It is also possible their misery is a result of unresolved trauma in their past as well. Maybe they have been running from some childhood issues that they are too afraid to confront?
Of course, the cheater will attribute all their misery to the faithful spouse.
A foolish pastor will agree with this assessment and take the focus off the cheater. That is precisely what the cheater wants.
The last thing a cheater wants is to be held accountable for their choices and solemn commitments–namely, their marriage vows. Getting pastors and other counselors to view their misery as their spouse’s fault is how they avoid such accountability.
God will not be fooled, though (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).
The wise Christian leader will not be fooled either. They will challenge the simple causal relationship a cheater presents. Instead of looking outside the cheater, they will challenge the cheater to look at his or her own heart and actions for the source of their misery.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
