“For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery….”
-Mark 7:21-22a, NLT
When infidelity and abandonment via divorce occur, the faithful spouse may struggle with blaming themselves.
I know I did.
It is part of the grief process.
We are trying to control the uncontrollable. That means we take on blame in order to not feel powerless over a situation we truly were powerless over–namely, our ex-spouse’s choices and behavior.
I want to encourage you to stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse. The sin’s origin was not in the condition of your marriage. Don’t believe the counselors or naive pastors who might tell you otherwise.
Jesus, Himself, locates the origin of adultery within the heart of the sinner (see Mark 7:21-22).
Unless you have magical powers to read and transform the inner thoughts and lives of others, you are powerless over what happened to you. In other words, you are not even partially to blame.
I know believing this is easier said than done.
We might agree cognitively yet part of our heart still want to fall on the sword of responsibility for the spouse who violated us by cheating.
If that applies to you, I would encourage you to meditate on the truth that we are not responsible for another’s sin.
We are certainly not responsible for “making” someone sin against us–like our cheater did. We own the sin we commit, not another’s.
Often times, the most hurtful criticism is the criticism that hones in on a lie we ourselves believe. What we can do to combat this spiritual attack is to remind ourselves of the truth calling those criticisms for the lies they are.
Please stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!
Your cheater’s sin against you is his (her) sin alone!!!
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