What just happened?

You thought your spouse would never cheat on you. That was until you were faced with indisputable evidence to the contrary.

It is a sucker punch to the gut.

I think infidelity discovery is one the most disorienting experiences a human can have. The betrayal is soul deep.

Depending on how long you have been married, the disorientation can grow exponentially as you try to figure out what happened and how to negotiate decades-long relationships now shattered or tainted by this spousal betrayal.

It is terrible.

I think God calls it evil for this reason (see Deut. 22:22). God understands the utter devastation adultery wrecks upon a society and community. So, God does not hold back in labeling it appropriately.

Part of the trauma is the “not knowing” part.

What happened? How long was this happening? Who knew and never told me?

At some point, we have to make peace with ourselves that we will probably never know the full extent of the betrayals. It sucks. But if we refuse to move on with our lives without comprehensible answers, we will likely be forever stuck in this awful place.

We need to come to the point where we affirm that they did something evil, and we will not tolerate it. The degree of evil is not so important as labeling it evil and treating it as unacceptable.

 

_______

*A version of this post ran previously.