When the infidelity betrayal is fresh, a temptation exists to write off an entire gender. I think this is very common for faithful spouses.

 

I think it is part of the grief process. We feel vulnerable and betrayed. The trauma of it all makes us want to avoid putting ourselves in a place where we could get hurt like this again.

Our “solution” is to caste all men or all woman in the same category as our cheater. But this is no “solution.”

Our cheater is one woman or one man.

They do not represent the entire gender. In fact, you probably could pick out someone from the opposite gender who has had the opposite effect in your life than your cheater.

To heal, I think we need to consider the positive influences from the same gender. This gives us hope and puts the cheater in the proper perspective.

Obviously, I made my way through this brief but real phase. I am happily remarried now.

Depending on the depth of the betrayals, this phase may take longer for you. It is like grief in general. You cannot set a timetable for it to be “over.”

However, if you do find yourself in the place thinking “all men are…” or “all women are…,” I would  encourage you to work to think of those men or women God has sent you that have helped and encouraged you even in the midst of this mess (or before it as well).

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*A version of this post ran previously.