At the window of my house
I looked down through the lattice.I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who had no sense.-Proverbs 7:6-7, NIV
Such are the words that describe the Other Man (OM) who is pulled into committing adultery with a brazen adulteress in this chapter in Proverbs. He is obviously wrong in doing this; however, the Scripture suggests the real problem is with the adulteress who is portrayed as a predator in this passage (e.g. vv 26).
This is how I choose to view adultery partners as well:
They lack sense.
At first, I was furious with the boy who chose to commit adultery with my former wife. It was tempting in the moment of discovery to go to his apartment and teach him a lesson with my superior strength. However, I realized it wasn’t worth it, and he wasn’t the real problem.
The real problem was a wife who chose to violate her vows. If it wasn’t this dude, it would have been another one. He just happened to be the foolish simpleton who fell prey to my former wife’s designs.
While the adultery partner still is sinning and would receive the same stiff penalty for committing adultery as the married partner in the Old Testament (see Deut. 22:22), I have more hope for the OM/OW than the adulterous spouse. They fit with the Proverbs above talking about someone who is foolish and whose poor choices lead to death. The adulterous spouse knows he/she is married and still makes choices to commit adultery. This is not so much foolishness as brazen and flagrant disregard for the marriage vows. It smacks of pride and arrogance while the other smacks of foolishness and stupidity.
In the end, I hold the vow-breaker as having a greater responsibility than the one who helped them in breaking said vow. That’s what I see as true from this Scripture in Proverbs. After all, the only person who can ensure the marriage vow is kept is the one who made it. And that means that the one who breaks it is ultimately 100% responsible for breaking it.
The OM/OW did not make them commit adultery.
The married partner chose to do it.
OM/OW sinned with the adulterous partner.
However, the real problem is with the married partner as they would likely find another OM/OW if it wasn’t them.
“They would likely find another partner”… Dead on. As the smoke clears, I ve come to recognize that the current mistress is not my husband s first. She apparently believes she either is… Or “the one”. Painful as it has been, my husband has given me the gift if saying goodbye to the betrayal. I am so blessed that I have several people who do not condone his behavior and buy into “what did you fail to do to keep your spouse?”. I ve had plenty of that as well. This website has been instrumental on focusing on those who help me move forward and part of that is picking which battles to engage in as far … Clearing the air.
I am so happy to stay in a walk with The Lord. I m lonely, sure. But one thing at a time. If I could ever get the divorce finalized.
My STBXhusband reconnected with one of his college girlfriends over 35 years later! She was going through a divorce because her (now x)husband cheated on her and mine decided to be reconnect and help her. I saw the text messages between them as their affair commenced. They are now “in love”, she “has always been THE ONE”, and he introduces her as his fiance. Never mind that she currently lives 1000 miles away.
What has always baffled me about this simpleton is why would one woman do this to another, especially having been a victim of the same circumstances?? I’ve come to dismiss her as someone clutching for love. Of course, I blame him for pursuing this and his savior complex. He is as delusional as she is. He can’t accept that he’s nearly 60 years old and my therapist has helped me see that he is remembering the 21 year old from his youth.
This post is so timely and I appreciate your words of comfort!
I think that the difference between my husband’s adulteress and other women he has gone for in the past was that actually she did start to actively pursue him and then said yes when she eventually started taking him home when the others had said no because they knew he was married.
Hindsight is great, but when I think that she was setting her cap at him and then having an affair with him when she was leading Sunday school with me, it sickens me. this is the man though who told me that when he went to the Ash Wednesday service [I was stuck on a broken down train] and heard the reading about the woman taken in adultery took that as a sign that it would be ok to go ahead and commit adultery, he would be forgiven. I think he must have stopped listening before the bit about sinning no more. They could not believe that their behaviour led to them being asked not to come to church.and it was my fault apparently for looking sad
But he could have said no, I’m not doing it however much you want to, as you said the ultimate choice was his. I have taken no revenge on the woman. Not sure what I could have done that was not illegal or would brand me as being crazy. She does not i’m sure like that I have brought round all his hoarded stuff, and that I have involved lawyers instead of going for a diy divorce as she did so am going for my full share of everything, I need to as am approaching pension age, having spent my life bringing up our children and looking after him I cannot get a well paid job which fits in with the part time job I have. But she had known us for 20 years and our circumstances so she went into it with her eyes wide open but assuming that she would benefit financially from a man with a good salary.
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