People downplay the deliberateness of cheating.

All sorts of language is employed to minimize what is truly something very clearly chosen by the cheater… again and again. They might call it “a mistake,” “a cry for help,” or “one night stand.”

All of this is minimizing the choices that led to the infidelity plus the sinful choices afterwards to hide it.

Some cheaters will deliberately choose to withhold information in couples’ counseling. They might go to multiple sessions digging into their spouse while withholding the critical information–like the fact they were cheating the whole time!

Some cheaters will blame the faithful spouse for this deliberate deception:

“I was afraid you would be angry with me,” says Cheater.

This is an admission that they know or knew that their actions would hurt or upset you, but they did it anyways. That speaks to deliberateness right there.

By the way, being angry or hurt over such behavior is an appropriate response to such betrayal (just don’t sin–Ephesians 4:26).

Cheaters had to make a series of choices to cheat and then to cover up this sinful behavior. The actions really are just their heart being revealed (see Mark 7:21-23).

They welcomed the overtures of the other person. They welcome the surrounding where they would be able to cheat. They welcome the actual cheating. And then they deliberately chose to lie and lie about it.

Cheating is deliberate sin. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise!