“Well, I wouldn’t have cheated with her if you had paid me more attention,” says Cheater.
“He listened to me. This is just a cry for help,” says Cheater.
A major danger with emotional affairs is to underestimate their damage and to take them lightly.
My first marriage’s ending started with a series of “emotional affairs” as reported by my now (ex-wife). They were–of course–framed as my fault. That is just how cheaters roll–shift the blame onto their victims.
The truly sad part was how multiple marriage counselors ignored the threat such affairs posed to our marriage. Instead, they were successfully–in my opinion–manipulated by my ex to focus their concerns on me as if I was the problem.
I believe shifting the blame onto faithful spouses is easier when it is an emotional affair. It is easier to blame the marriage relationship and the faithful spouse by extension under such circumstances. Professionals–as was my experience–are willing to buy this crap.
That is a major reason to be skeptical that it was “only” an emotional affair. They lose the power to easily manipulate others into blaming you as soon as they admit to adultery. It becomes harder–though, sadly not impossible–at that point.
Plus, the likelihood that the affair progressed to the physical rises the longer the “emotional affair” continues as that is how humans are wired.
Truth:
Cheating–whether emotionally or physically–is no more a legitimate way to “improve” the marriage (or get your partner’s attention )than punching them in the gut is.
