When Cheaters go to pastoral counseling with their victims, they may have no interest in actually dealing with The Problem.
They have successfully convinced themselves that the cheating was caused by circumstances outside of themselves. Cheaters might even blame their spouse for the cheating (see “The Shared Responsibility Lie“).
These sessions are doomed.
The cheating will not get fixed in such contexts as the one person who can fix it will not even consider they have that power and responsibility. Jesus taught us that sin flows out of the heart of the sinner (see Mark 7:21-23), and we are accountable for our own actions (see 2 Cor. 5:10).
Circumstances–even marriage circumstances–do NOT cause cheating. The unfaithful spouse caused the cheating. Sin flows from the heart of the sinner.
But that won’t stop them from pointing the figure elsewhere. The Problem is not a problem for them. They do not see their power or will not acknowledge their responsibility in the matter.
A faithful spouse can expect to be blamed and attacked at such sessions. They are the problem. The only fault Cheaters are willing to admit is their failure to point this out earlier.
Save yourself much grief. Do NOT go to such sessions.
An unrepentant Cheater will just use them to further abuse you. YOU, faithful spouse, are NOT The Problem!
