Relief.
The months of stone-cold or downright cruel responses.
Warmth disappearing overnight like a Minnesotan May blizzard.
It all started to make sense.
I wasn’t imagining things.
The Other Man.
He existed.
Had existed for months!
This is one of the strangest and most surreal parts of discovering infidelity. The moment of confirmation is not only a painful one. It is also a moment of validation.
I felt relief.
Pieces of the puzzle in my head started to make sense after months of madness. A crucial, missing piece of information was finally mine.
And I know I am not alone in such an experience.
It is not a mercy to a faithful spouse to be left in the dark about the infidelity. This just adds to the suffering already present.
Being kept in the dark makes things all that more tortured and confusing for someone who already feels his or her soul being bludgeoned yet does not know exactly from where the blows are coming.
Knowledge is power. Cheaters like having that power over the faithful spouse. The kind thing is to level the playing field. Tell the faithful spouse. They deserve to know the truth.
Yes, it will likely hurt. But it will also likely provide some relief and give them vital information to make sound, future decisions.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
I still vividly remember when it all finally made sense, and I realized my wife was preparing to give my life to another man. It was horrific then and no less horrific almost twenty years later.