“We need to have open and honest communication,” says Cheater.
When I hear the phrase “open and honest,” I am slightly triggered. It sends me back to the conflict with my ex-wife as our marriage ended.
The words aren’t bad in and of themselves. Such a goal for communication is admirable. We want to be in transparent relationships. That is good.
However, transparency with a predatory person is dangerous.
Such transparency allows them have important information about you that they can in turn use against you. This is why trust is so important in marriage. With violated trust, engaging in such transparency is unwise.
A cheater may simply engage in this quest for information in order to become a more adept manipulator of their faithful spouse and others. It is not an honest plea.
For such a plea to be honest, a cheater would have to first divulge the details of her infidelities completely. Barring that, you are dealing with a master manipulator.
The nobleness of the goal and the expectation of good communication between spouses is what makes this such a dangerous plea for faithful spouses. It plays on our trusting nature that the plea is made from a good place.
We assume mutuality where no mutuality exists with a cheater. The cheater has no intention on exposing her secrets to the faithful partner.
Cheaters are liars and manipulators. The sooner a faithful spouse gets this, the better.
