An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?” – Proverbs 30:20, NLT
Uppity, Cruel Cheaters
People who have never experienced firsthand the contempt of a cheater are liable to underestimate their arrogance and cruelty.
That is why wise Christian lay “counselors” and pastors ought to talk to faithful spouses who have had such experiences before forming hard rules for faithful spouses.
One of the many cruel things cheaters do is to drag their victims into a pastor or counselor’s office then use those sessions as opportunities to further beat up their (often times, unsuspecting) victims.
Cheaters will play you and use you, if you let them. So, don’t be naive.
Instead of using the fact of confessed infidelity as an opportunity to grow in the virtue of humility, cheaters want you to forget it. They will play on the erroneous understanding that forgiveness means forgetting.
Only a true fool fails to learn from past costly mistakes (and serious sins).
I suspect cheaters whining about the infidelity being mentioned again are doing so because they hate how that takes away their power. They are not comfortable with walking in humility.
They are being uppity walking in arrogance, again.
Not only is the faithful spouse mentioning the past infidelity likely still processing and trying to heal from the damage caused by the cheater’s sins, he or she may be objecting to the cheater’s arrogance in the relationship.
It really isn’t about unforgiveness for the cheater. Their objection about the infidelity is about power. They are objecting to be put in a place where they don’t get to call the shots.
That position is what mentioning their infidelity again does:
It serves as a reminder that the cheater has no moral authority following such an epic moral failure. They must earn that authority back and not just try to assert it. Cheaters often times resent this.
And sadly, my experience here and elsewhere tells me that our world is full of pastors and counselors willing to allow cheaters off the hook on that number.
They beat up the faithful spouse for talking about the marital infidelity again. In other words, they shove the adultery victim down and raise the adulterous abuser up to a place of power.
Please, pastors, do not be that sort of pastoral counselor!
-Be wise enough to see this scenario as an opportunity to help cheaters grow in humility. Trust me, they need such character growth.
-Be wise enough to see the possibility that the cheater is present to flex their power and beat up their victims as opposed to really heal the marriage.
-Be wise enough to see the matter about objecting to the mention of infidelity, again, may have less to do with unforgiveness and more to do with a cheater’s refusal to surrender power and walk in humility.
I just listened to another message that the woman I’m pretty sure of, had an affair with. Yep. She gave a message at her church on Milk vs Meat. It’s her third message she’s given since her thing with my husband.
She is very new age! Throws in a little scripture but distorts it. I found it odd that this pastor ( we know him… ugg) would let her preach again for the third time in less than a year. At the beginning of the message he mentioned that she had come to him again with a special message that God had given her. I had a feeling it was her asking him. That was confirmed by what he said. She really thinks she is special… lol
All three of her messages always come back to, no matter what you’ve done, that God already knew it all and you can move forward.
She has been cruel. Last year she had her husband call my husband to leave a message on his cell phone after she and I exchanged two text message conversations. He told my husband that I had been harassing her for 3 months. She had actually texted my husband first. For work stuff.
She has played crazy mind games with me on Facebook. Two major ones stand out! Keep in mind that my husband still swears no affair. For 10 months he tried to convince me of this and then I discovered he was hiding our entire savings!
I left him but came home with the promise we would find another counselor. The first counselor was beating his wife. They are now divorced. A real licensed Christian counselor! The second was an older man who loved us from our church. He listened. Gave me scripture and told Me that … ” Did I really want to break up my family?”. I called him one more time after that when my husband ran in to pick up our dinner one night and his phone was in the car. He got a FB notification from a fake D.C. Page that he had finally confessed to me about but was supposed to not be working anymore. I was so upset and called this man when we got home He told me to let it go. I asked him if he knew my husband had hidden money from me. He said yes and I’m guessing someone else told him because we had never gone back after the second time.
There is a lot for them to lose here. She’s married too and my husband wants to keep his reputation with our kids!
It is all so cruel from them. I ask myself, Can they really be Christians?